Five recommendations to address perfectionism in high achieving students
“Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perception—we want to be perceived as perfect.” – Brene Brown
When I asked my fourth and fifth REACH students if they wanted to share any concerns about being in the gifted program, a few answers stood out:
“I am missing science and I worry about my grades.”
“I have to make up homework and I don’t know if I can keep up.”
“Everyone here seems better at math than me.”
How can we support our gifted students for all aspects of who they are, not simply their achievements?
- Share how you handled your own, age-appropriate mistakes, and how they helped you grow.
- Explain that the process is as important as the outcome. Results don’t always look the way we expected them to.
- Keep it light. When something seems to go wrong, be light-hearted. Children look for our reactions.
- Students often find work “easy” when they are younger, so when work becomes difficult it can challenge their identity. Excellent effort should be rewarded, with curriculum designed around growth vs. perfection.
- Create limits to avoid unhelpful hyper-focusing. Through clearly explained and defined time or content constraints, they can learn the value of setting boundaries for themselves.
Many gifted individuals have unique personalities and behaviors rooted in their intensity of feelings and capacity to understand on a profound level. Simply stated, the more gifted a person is intellectually, the more intense and passionate their thoughts and feelings may be.
– Dr. Barbara Klein, Psychology Today
RESOURCES
Institute for Educational Advancement. (2022 May 21). Perfectionism and Gifted Children. https://educationaladvancement.org/blog-perfectionism-and-gifted-children/
Klein, Barbara. (2023 October 18). “Managing Intensity in Gifted Children and Adults: What parents, close family, teachers, and friends need to know.” Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/twin-dilemmas/202310/managing-intensity-in-gifted-children-and-adults
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